Day 6: Waning Gibbous

Moon Rise – None
Moon Set – 1:35 P.M.

I think it’s important for everyone to heal at their own pace. It does get frustrating when moving on doesn’t happen as quickly as you expected or hope for. All day I could feel the negative emotions with this upcoming weekend slowly creep up on me. This weekend last year meant so much to me, but I can’t let it control my life now. Only I can decide if I have a shitty weekends or an enjoyable one. I will not give in to the negative that’s trying to take over the positive thoughts in my mind.

-Energy of Self: anxious, ready to move on
Time: Friday, September 4, 2015 @ 12:00 A.M.

All day the thoughts of last year kept running through my mind, just one after another. It’s hard missing how everything was back then, but what do I get out of focusing on the past?

Instead I knew in my heart, mind, and soul that if I let those thoughts keep going that I would set myself just focusing on them all weekend. I don’t want that. I can’t do that to myself when I’ve done everything that I could to make the most of the situation. It will be Labor Day weekend, and I need to enjoy my nice, long weekend. It’s time to make new memories for myself, because who knows where I’ll be next year.

When I got home from work I just sat back and relaxed from rushing around all day. I went outside to smoke a cigarette, and looked up at the sky trying to make different shapes out of the clouds. The peace that I felt in that simple moment out weighed any thought or memory from the past.

Sometimes it’s all about looking around and remembering the small things that can bring the biggest smile to your face.

I had brought home all of my “lucky” leaves that I randomly find in my work’s parking lot, and I spread them out just embracing the great feelings that just a simple leaf brings me. Trust me, I get the look of “you’re fucking crazy” more than usual while I walk around with my leaves, but inside I just giggle to myself because I love them. I have my pinecones that sit on my desk with me not as just decorations, but as a reminder that life is a precious gift.

For the first time in probably, ever, I let my mind relax.

While watching Big Bang, Family Guy, and a rerun of Bill Maher I didn’t sit there with a million different thoughts from every which direction going through my mind. I simply enjoyed a peaceful, quiet nice watching my favorite shows.

Sometimes I feel as if I’m taking a few steps backwards, but in reality I’m growing stronger than I could have ever imagined.

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