“Oh I was made to live without you….But I’m never gonna understand, never understand”

Isn’t it amazing when you look at a person who knew everything about you, and you knew everything about them. To only come to realize when you see them that the person you connected to on so many levels is no longer there.

All you think about is the little things that you loved about them, and their little quirks that made them so special. You remember the way they would move when it came to certain things. You knew what would make them laugh and smile on their good days and bad days. That a pack of gummies and some Reese’s Peanut Butter cups, with extra peanut butter, smeared on top, was their guilty snack pleasure. Going to the store to buy the biggest bag or Jolly Ranchers only to pick out the Watermelon ones because that’s their favorite.

When I think back to a particular person so many emotions, thoughts, feelings, and memories come flooding back into my mind that it’s very overwhelming at times. It feels as if I’m being pulled like a Stretch Armstong Doll, and wondering if one little jerk of something will just break me. I like the memories, and I would never trade them for anything in the universe.

Sometimes, it gets too be too much.

Even if I can still see this person, I know it’s not the same one I once felt was my person. I was just meant to click with on some level isn’t the person I pass by without speaking a word.

He was the Groot to my Rocket. The Steve to my Roger. The Brian to my Stewie. He was my personal superhero that flew into my life unexpectedly to save me in ways I didn’t even realize I needed saving.

Most importantly, he was my best friend.

Now he’s just a memory. I have to pretend when I pass him at work that nothing between us ever existed. To act like it never mattered, but when in reality, it meant absolutely everything to me. Those memories are ones I will hold on to for the rest of my life. With the smallest reminder, some memory will come rushing back. I don’t even eat Butterfingers, Sun Flower Seeds, and Butterfinger Blizzards because even though I’ve enjoyed them my whole life they have a much bigger meaning since I met him.

I just don’t understand how someone that impacts your life, and changes everything for you is just meant to be there one minute, but not the next. How is that fair? What’s the purpose of it?

I know people come into our lives for certain reasons, but how long do you have to carry the pain of losing them? It’s not an easy burden to bear. It probably doesn’t help having to see him every day at work, and reliving the loss of the incredible connection we had.

I know the person is always there when I look at the moon, and that’s what helps me get through each day. The person that once believed in me, and helped me find the strength inside myself is still up there shining down on me.

The person may leave, but the memories don’t. I believe that the person you once knew is always there with you in some way, shape, or form. That’s where the strength of moving on comes from. You never fully lose a person, only in a physical way, but never in a spiritual way.

To him:

I’ll love you with the deepest love forever, and you will continue to brighten my darkest skies. You saved me, and you’ve been worth every up and down on this emotional rollercoaster. Thank you for the fantastic memories and first-time experiences. You brought me to life. You helped me to stop hiding the person I am, and taught me so many things that I can carry on in all my years to come. You’ll always be the moon to my life. I would never trade one second I had with you to spend with anyone else. I’ll remember you now and until the end of time. Groot bye for now. I’ll wish on every star in the galaxy that your just happy with any adventure you take in life. 

3 Comments

  1. Ooo have one of these! Luckily I never saw him again after that final good bye at the airport but it doesn’t stop me from thinking about him. Sometimes every day and sometimes not so much. Can’t listen to David Gray or eat smarties without drifting. I still spritz the same fragrance he gave me our first Xmas and I still try to be the woman he always believed I could be. Maybe I wanted to love him more than he ever loved me. Maybe he loved me more than I would ever know. But I am married now to someone else and creating a new life with someone else. He will just always be… my first taste of life.

    1. I love everything you just said!! He’s actually standing 10 feet away from me, and I can’t even go stand with my other friends because he’s there. I actually saw David Gray the past summer, and smarties are a great cure to anything! Thank you so much for your insight! This was probably one of my harder post so I greatly appreciate advice!! I’m glad you found the right one for yourself! 🙂

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