Every Story Has To Start Somewhere

This is the Intro to my story….

Seven years.

Yep. That is the time I’ve been the poor, lonely, single girl.

Well, that’s the opinion of most every other person I meet. For me? It’s been quite the journey.

Since my ex, I have just enjoyed the sexual relationships I’ve gained throughout the year. I became emotionally unattached to my hook-ups. There’s been maybe 2 I’ve let into where I guess most people would end up dating, but it’s never gone any further than that.

While everyone else was enjoying being in a relationship, I just couldn’t find one person who kind of lived up to my very picky and high standards. I just never wanted to settle without knowing exactly what I wanted. I tend to treat any relationship in a weird way according to others.

I’m pretty proud of the stories I can add to my book of life. I have always had a wild sense of adventure.

Up until now I have just thought I was floating from one phase to another in my life just like I’m supposed to, but I think it was leading me up to something so much more. What I’ve learned is I was searching for myself in all of the wrong places and continued like that’s where I was supposed to be.

Who am I?

Well, I’m a socially awkward, outgoing, adventure loving, laughs at everything kind of gal. I think I’m hilarious even when the other person doesn’t. As much fun as my outgoing side is I would agree with saying that the side I keep to myself is a mystery that sometimes I can’t even figure out.

In my opinion, it’s this person I was meant just automatically to click with as a life mate didn’t mean they would be a boyfriend, or a family member, or any title as to who they were. That one person was just meant to be in my life for all walks. I think everyone has that one person, and I feel as if some of those people walk through life never finding them. I damn sure don’t want to alone through life never finding that type of person.

It’s not up to me who I meet in life. I just wake up each day and let the universe’s course play out for however my life is meant to turn out. I’m just on this ride trying to make the most of it.

For almost two years now, the first year being in-fucking-credible, and the second year the polar opposite, I have poured my entire being into a friendship that felt so powerful it was like I was reading it out of a great book.

I think back on the days when it all first started with him. I was terrified as I usually was going on a date with someone I didn’t know.

Was it going to be uncomfortable? Hell yes.

Was he going to annoy me? Probably.

Would he get me? Not a chance in hell.

Most importantly, over and over I asked myself how the hell was I going to get out of this predicament I’ve gotten myself into? Just because I’m overly nice doesn’t mean I’m interested.

I was slick when it came to getting out of the group hangout because just thinking about it made me want to puke! I didn’t fucking know these people, and they seemed like such a close knit group.

I hate feeling like an outsider.

Basically to sum it all up, my nerves were running wild throughout my whole body. Again, the whole situation made me want just to throw up.
After that first date and being shocked into an oblivion I knew this was either going to crush me, or if I got out as quickly as possible, I could save myself from any harm that would come.

Right now I’m thinking I should have channeled my inner superhero, The Flash, and ran the opposite direction as fast as I possibly could. I didn’t do that though because I was so intrigued by him and by how perfect the whole night went. Sure, I was intoxicated, but that still didn’t hinder me from remembering every second of it.

Each date felt even more perfect than the last that I was excited for the next time he would ask me out. It’s like he knew exactly what would make me smile. He planned each date out to perfection. How could it get any better than this?
All I could think to myself was, “holy shit! Who am I allowing myself to feel such things towards a person I just met, and what the hell am I getting myself into?”

I wanted to run, but I didn’t.

I was feeling like I did when finishing my new favorite book, or hearing my favorite song for the first time. It was all pretty magical that something as wonderful as this was happening to me. Trust me I’m never the one who gets lucky enough to experience moments such as these. I was going to cherish it for however long he wanted to stay around. Hopefully, he is one that stays awhile.

My expertise was not in a relationships. It was strictly in good old casual sex. Up until this point, I had trained myself not to let feelings happen because I would only end up getting hurt in the end. After my last few experiences getting hurt, I wasn’t about to let that happen again if I had any control over it. No one ever seemed to be worth that kind of risk.

That’s until he happened.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s