Moon of my life, My sun and stars

Yer jalan atthirari anni, Shekh ma shieraki anni

Uncle Iroh: You have been touched by the moon spirit. Some of its life is in you.

I’m sure you could only imagine the number of different thoughts I’ve had running through my head. The worst so far is thinking that if I would have never read anything on your phone, if you wouldn’t have left it in my car, Saturday would have happened. And I mean I believe you would have acted on your “joke” in the text. That’s when that sudden surge of pain strikes you with the after thought of “I would never know”.

I know I wasn’t the best every second, but I made sure to be when I could because I had to make sure for whatever time I would tell you that we were broken up packing up my car with everything. It pains me knowing if I would have been stronger it wouldn’t have kept continually happening. Each time it would happen, I believe, I fought even harder just to feel stronger to overcome my inner warzone.

Right now everything is just a blur because my whole universe just stopped. It’s like the Universe hit the breaks fucking fast, and it’s just waiting, still, while I try to figure out if it was real. The moments, the breakthroughs, the darkness, we did it together.

con·tin·u·um
noun
a continuous sequence in which adjacent elements are not perceptibly different from each other, although the extremes are quite distinct.

You have been the yin to my yang. My Joker to your Harley. My Sasuke to your Sakura. My Moon Prince and your Moon Princess.

Tui, the Moon Spirit, was one of two spirits that reside in the Spirit Oasis at the North Pole, just outside the Northern Water Tribe’s capital city. Tui and her counterpart, La, circle each other in an eternal dance of pushing and pulling. Tui is one of the few entities known to have traveled into outer space.

Avatar: The Last Airbender, Book One: Water (水), 119. “The Siege of the North, Part 1”

Princess Yue. I remember the first time you told me about Avatar and the one character you knew I’d love. You were right. There’s nothing that could compare to living life on Earth with the spirit of the Moon, and being that selfless, getting to save the world while becoming the Moon. Getting to forever guide people with her spirit.

That’s a dream come true.

You showed me the sides of me I never even gave a chance. You were the perfect nerdy sidekick to have, and sometimes converting me to anime or gloving. As hard as each moment got I felt the missing puzzle pieces setting into place. We’ve gone through hell doing it.

You knew me better than anyone else ever has, and let me be who I am through the good and the bad. You fought the fight with me. I never would have imagined it would have gotten so terrible, but you stood by me. You gave me hope for something better. I knew if we could make it through this low phase in our lives, we would come out stronger than ever.

My twin flame

Twin soul.

Soulmate.

If any outcome meant standing hand to hand together becoming stardust and forming a star that Astronomers would talk about for centuries to come. Our darkness coming as one to shine brighter than Vega. And unlike Vega and Altair, we wouldn’t need to have to wait one day out of every lunar year for magpies to fly up and build a bridge for us to be together. We would outshine both of those stars because we would be together as one.

I’ve lost my best friend.

The thoughts of what do I do when something exciting happens and I’m overly excited about telling you? Who’s going to go to the doctor with me after fighting it for so long? I’ll be sleeping alone when the nights come that I fall asleep on my own. Will you feel how much I believe in you when inside you aren’t proud of the man you are? I hope the love I’ve shown and expressed to you will be universal inside of you so that you will always feel and never forget.

I hate my insecurities because they always seem to be proven correct in the end.

I asked you if you still find me attractive. Because there’s never been anyone I’ve wanted more and felt such passion for, and you pushed that away from me. I expressed how much it hurt that you’ve never defended me or been on my side. Even after promising me that you knew you would spend your life with me, telling me everything is going to be okay, and I was never going to losing you. The very next day you went against something I asked of you to be on my side about because a certain person hurt me, and I was ready to move on from the pain in my past, and you have every Tumblr picture with something sexual with different girls screenshot, and texting some girl you would hang out with the one person who hurt me, and if you were sleeping in her bed.

The punishment of how terrible I was and felt keeps coming with each wave hitting me harder pushing me under. This wave was nothing I was prepared for. I know you will never love me unconditionally, or miss me, or hurt without me in the way you would fight for me. For us. No matter what you will never need me as much as I’ve needed you.

I feel replaceable, and mostly used, not one other person in your life would get up an extra 10 minutes early to take you to work 5 minutes away. I know I was an awful version of myself at times, but I made sure I would NEVER let you down when you needed me. One day after having my heart broke, moving back to the one place I try to escape, I got out of the shower to a text saying you needed a ride to work. Without a second of hesitation, I ran to get dressed, hair soaking wet, and jumped in my car straight to you. I’ve never overly done anything for you out of pity, but for the fact, I believed in you that much. You were worth it, and it was just a privilege to know you and being so proud of who you were to me.

I hate to feel I lost it. It hurts, even more, having to question what was real. I never wanted to feel like I let you down, but how this ends has never felt like I’ve failed more.

I meant it when I said I wouldn’t want another person to share having a baby with. I only saw myself standing next to a huge waterfall with you, in our world, expressing what it took to get there, vowing to share every moment, good or bad, together with life after life. Knowing we had experienced the worst, but we made it.

I’m terrified of a life without you even though the pain that was brought on in seeing my biggest fears with us that were real.

I wish you were going to be here watching as I grow from everything that was on my list that we burned together under the Full Moon. I didn’t think I’d have to do it alone.

Princess Yue: Our strength comes from the Spirit of the Moon. Our life comes from the Spirit of the Ocean. They work together to keep balance.

I know that for the rest of my life I’m going to be stronger, and what pains me in that is you’ll always be the biggest connection to where I found my strength. I will carry you around with me each day I overcome not having control of my happiness. You will always be the Moon that guides me through life.

I know we won’t be in each other’s lives. And I hope with everything in me you won’t forget me, and when you think of me you’ll still laugh hearing my voice saying something hilarious in your mind, or you’ll remember me at peace looking up at the Moon and stars. Remember the good, and I’ll spend every journey life has in making up for the bad for myself and my love for you.

Avatar Roku: If anyone is to blame for the state of the world, it is me. I should have seen this war coming and prevented it. You inheirted my problems and my mistakes. But I believe you are destined to redeem me and save the world.
Aang: I don’t know.
Princess Yue: You already saved the world. And you’ll save the world again. But you can’t give up.
Aang: You’re right. I won’t give up.

Putting my pain aside, I will always believe in you. You have such talented gifts for drawing, writing, and rapping. I think you’ll create a fascinating world in anime, and an album filled with your words and sound that will deeply impact any who hear it. You are meant to find yourself, and be the man you are proud to be. I’ll believe in you as much as I do now until I join the Universe.

I love you, Michael Paul Cisneros. Thank you for making some dreams a reality, and believing in me while you did. It saved me. You saved me.

Princess Yue: When I was born, I was very sick and very weak. Most babies cry when they are born, but I was born as if I were asleep, my eyes closed. Our healers did everything they could. They told my mother and father I was going to die. My father pleaded with the spirits to save me. That night, beneath the full moon, he brought me to the oasis and placed me in the pond. My dark hair turned white. I opened my eyes and began to cry, and they knew I would live. That’s why my mother named me Yue, for the moon.

 

 

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