Day 18: Waxing Crescent

Moon Rise: 10:13 A.M.

Moon Set: 9:40 P.M.

Well, I wanted some change in my life, and I think I got more change than what I bargained for me.

-Energy of Self: Trying to focus on the positive

•Time: Wednesday, September 16, 2015 @ 10:13 A.M.

I’ve always looked at work as my place to escape from the rest of my life. Even with being the very first person each person sees as they walk in the building and having to greet them has always been a joy for me. I know when I step into work and sit at my desk first thing in the morning I have to put any personal issues I have going on aside.  I don’t know what’s happening with anyone who walks through those doors. Every person has something they struggle with on a particular day or has an ongoing situation that runs through their mind. All I can offer is my smile welcoming them, and they know that I sincerely mean it when I tell them to have a great day.

I always hope to be someone that can hopefully turn their day around in some fashion.

I truly love every aspect of my job even when I’m having a challenging day because of the memory of that person I used to be extremely close to. It has been seven months, but I’m still trying to get used to the adjustment. Sometimes, the obstacle I feel like I’m attempting to climb due to the situation can be a very painful struggle to deal with emotionally.

Today, after a meeting with both of my boss’s I learned that due to security reasons with our bigger clients. I have to cover my desk at all times, and if I need to step away, I have to make sure there’s someone there to cover it. It’s an entirely different change from what I’m familiar with roaming around doing many various parts of my job. That was something I probably loved most was getting to be up and move around, and not being stuck behind a desk all day.

I guess the biggest issue I have this is it makes me feel very confined to one area, and I’ve always hated that feeling in any area of my life. It makes me feel trapped, and I’m quite the roamer. I just feel freer while I roam around even doing work.

Plus, I believe over the last year I’ve learned to become overly independent of myself with everything. I know it’s always good to ask for help, but even to go to the bathroom, I feel like such a burden. I know the people I have to count on are busy trying to get their work done as well, and I don’t want to take away from that. Especially, when I’m losing the satisfaction of feeling like I’m doing all of my job duties 100%. It just leaves this feeling of emptiness in me knowing I can’t do or give my all in the work I love to do.

Maybe this certain aspect of change is to help learn and work through my patience. I know that to succeed you have to work through the times that aren’t exactly to your standard to gain more appreciation of where it can take you.

My boss left me with some remarkable, uplifting feedback about how well I do my job, and I need to stay focused on that. Then, let those things drive me to strengthen my weaknesses. In the end, no matter how frustrated and annoyed I get over this situation, it’s to better me in some way as a work and a person.

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